someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Apparently you make a good broom.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
