I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
