sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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