My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Found your dick twin last night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
