Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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