i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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