I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize