omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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