T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
