I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
