What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
