can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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