Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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