doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
