Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
