Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
