maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
