So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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