According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
