why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize