Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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