I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
