Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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