shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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