I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
