smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
