No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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