If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
