I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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