he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
