Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize