i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
