Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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