Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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