look no pants
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
