Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
