his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
