all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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