and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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