my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
