you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
