Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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