my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
