I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
