On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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