4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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