im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I will be naked everywhere
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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