I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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