apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
