i permit you to call me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
