don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
