I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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