Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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