i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
