I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
