what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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