I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i will never coherently bang her
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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