so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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