i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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