Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
