if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
