there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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