before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
