i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
