i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
