i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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