u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
