when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
