I'm lost and stupid without you.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
