I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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