just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
