i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
