Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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