I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Randomize
