I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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