how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
