Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
